Back on the Radar

Okay, so I know I have been gone for a couple weeks, but I have been so busy. And yet, so not. No, I don't really know what that means. =)

So it seems that after my last post some people were a bit behind. Short recap for you, Soul.

Motorcycle guy was great and really nice but it just wasn't there. Firecracker and I had a rather large falling out (for our own reasons, not over a guy) and now I am seeing her ex. I know that it breaks all the "girl-rules" but he makes me happy so i don't really care. Jay, the guy, is wonderful. He and I have been friends for several years and we were hanging out one day and it just kinda happened. I felt bad at first, but I am not going to give up on it. So that is the quick run through on that.

Things are actually going well around here. My littlest brother is starting to show some signs of improvement. He still gets really angry, but hasn't hit anyone in a couple weeks. How sad that it is something to be so happy about.
I got an A in my biology class and my prof told me to keep in touch with her and when it came time to do my internship to let her know. She is a Geneticist at the University of Texas Medical Branch which is one of the biggest research centers in this part of the country. That freakin ROCKS!!!!!!!! I have loved genetics my entire life; I was the only person in my high school that had a subscription to the Genetic Society Newsletter. I am such a dork. She told me that she liked the way I looked at the genetics and that I just seemed to have the brain for them. Mind you, this was just my basic biology class (bio for science majors) not even a high level course. YEA!!!!
I don't know if I have told you guys about my weird marriage or not. I got married when I was 20 to a guy I was friends with. It was a marriage of convenience with a specific purpose. We hit our 7 year anniversary on Monday and our divorce was final this morning. 7 years and 5 days. He and I are still friends and chit chat some. He lives in Florida now, but he came in a couple months ago for us to go file together and then we went out for drinks to celebrate. Too weird, I know. =)
Things are going well with Jay. It kinda freaks me out sometimes. Not for reasons you would think though. You know, I have known him for years so he already knows LilBit. I have dated guys before that said they didn't mind that I had a child. None of them actually got far enough to even meet him though. Jay knows him, likes him and we even all go out and do things together. Not a lot because just in case, I don't want either of them too attached. You know? So the scary part is that since he really doesn't mind, and is so good with him, I know this really has a chance. Most guys will say they are fine with you having a kid, but really don't want anything to do with them. Those guys are safe. I am ready for this, I am ready for what I am feeling, but... it still scares me. Also that I can feel so much so fast. I guess it isn't SO fast since we were friends first and already had a connection, but...

Okay, starting to stray. Sorry.

OH!!!! LilBit has his first loose tooth, top right front tooth. I almost cried when he showed it to me. He is so excited and I just want to freeze time. He is getting so big and so grown up. He will start school in August. Again, I will cry like a baby.

So things are really going well here. I have figured out how not to go crazy not working and just relax and have a good time spending time with LilBit. Such precious time.

Jumble

So, the jobless thing was fun for a week and now I am going to go out of my mind. I love having the time to spend with me son after last semester of not much time with him, but sheesh, I need to get out more. We have done every craft I can come up with, gone to every park but it is already more than 90 degrees outside, swing-set has been ordered for the back yard, and my sanity has gone in to hiding. How do women really pull off the stay-at-home-mom thing. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but I cannot do this all day every day. Maybe part of it is that he is an only child. Maybe part of it is that he doesn't really have a dad. Maybe the combination of the two. Whatever it is, he just clings to me. Every moment. I love him and love that he shows me how much he loves me, but something is not right with this. i know that I sound like a terrible mother for saying all this, but it is how I feel.

On to other stuff. Things are going great with Jay! You know, with all the weird situations that started this thing, it was kind of awkward at the beginning. As right as it felt, it was still just... weird. I have gotten over the whole "He used to date firecracker" thing. It is not like she and I had never shared guys before. okay, so that was bad, but what the fuck ever. i am really happy with him.. not the kind of happy I had before. With LilBit's dad, I thought I was happy and I loved him, but I had to be who he wanted me to be. I had to smile all day, I had to hold in whatever I was feeling on any given day, and I wasn't even allowed to be myself in the bed. With Jay, I get to be me. In all aspects of my life. If I am having a bad day, I get to bitch. If I am having a really good day, I get to be giddy and goofy. And dammit, if I want to be a wild crazy monkey in the bed, then by god I GET TO!!!! I love that I can be me, who ever I am that day. It makes me feel so good. HE makes me feel so good. good about me. =)

Okay, so now I am off to get LilBit up and ready for t-ball practice. YEE HAW!!!!