So, the jobless thing was fun for a week and now I am going to go out of my mind. I love having the time to spend with me son after last semester of not much time with him, but sheesh, I need to get out more. We have done every craft I can come up with, gone to every park but it is already more than 90 degrees outside, swing-set has been ordered for the back yard, and my sanity has gone in to hiding. How do women really pull off the stay-at-home-mom thing. I love my son, don't get me wrong, but I cannot do this all day every day. Maybe part of it is that he is an only child. Maybe part of it is that he doesn't really have a dad. Maybe the combination of the two. Whatever it is, he just clings to me. Every moment. I love him and love that he shows me how much he loves me, but something is not right with this. i know that I sound like a terrible mother for saying all this, but it is how I feel.
On to other stuff. Things are going great with Jay! You know, with all the weird situations that started this thing, it was kind of awkward at the beginning. As right as it felt, it was still just... weird. I have gotten over the whole "He used to date firecracker" thing. It is not like she and I had never shared guys before. okay, so that was bad, but what the fuck ever. i am really happy with him.. not the kind of happy I had before. With LilBit's dad, I thought I was happy and I loved him, but I had to be who he wanted me to be. I had to smile all day, I had to hold in whatever I was feeling on any given day, and I wasn't even allowed to be myself in the bed. With Jay, I get to be me. In all aspects of my life. If I am having a bad day, I get to bitch. If I am having a really good day, I get to be giddy and goofy. And dammit, if I want to be a wild crazy monkey in the bed, then by god I GET TO!!!! I love that I can be me, who ever I am that day. It makes me feel so good. HE makes me feel so good. good about me. =)
Okay, so now I am off to get LilBit up and ready for t-ball practice. YEE HAW!!!!
Chateau Noir
2 comments:
what happened to motorcycle dude? am i totally outta the loop?
and no, it's not just you. lilbit, being the only child...it's natural for him to cling to you. i don't know if it's the lack of a second parent, though. i think it's been shown that children raised by one parent are just as successful or psychologically stable as their two-parent counterparts. it's just about how YOU as the parent raises him and what you allow him to be exposed to etc.
okay, too much blah blah blah and not enough praise praise praise. KUDOS!
Change is always fun. For about 2 minutes.
I know how you feel! Nothing is better than finally being able to be yourself - the good the bad and the freaking fantastic!
You should feel good about you. As for parenting, I have no idea what makes a good mum. I would imagine that a mother that has a life is a good start though.
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