So the littlest bro lost it again last week, landed in Juvie jail and is now in a psych ward of a hospital. I really hope this does him some good. When he got into Juvie they gave him a drug test and he tested positive for white. That breaks my heart more than the rest. After my battle with all that stuff, I know how hard that is and what it can turn you into. I went to visit him on Monday and busted him in a lie. He tried to tell me that he had only tried the drug once. Yeah. Right. Who the hell does he think he is talking to? I called him out on it and he just laughed. i guess it is going to take a few more days for all of it to really hit him. mom was going to a family therapy session today with him there. I would have loved to go, but I couldn't get off work. I think it may be better for him to face Mom first anyway.
Firecracker and I had it out yesterday. The other night a friend of ours came to me and told me that she has been telling people that she thinks I have a drinking problem. Here is the reality of it. With everything going on in my world, I am surprised I don't have a drinking problem. I drink less now than I did while hanging out with her. And most of all, HOW THE HELL WOULD SHE KNOW? She hasn't seen me in over 2 months. She has no freqakin clue what I do with my time anymore. I wonder if she would like me to go randomly tell her friends that she has a marijuana problem. I bet not. We chose different substances, but I would bet I am sober more than she is. I tried to talk to her about it and she started with the whole, "Sorry, I was concerned" thing. I told her that her concern did not upset me, but the fact that she talked to other people about it but not me pissed me the hell off! Finally at the end when she just kept saying she didn't want to talk about it, I told her that if she became the woman I had been friends with again at some point to give me a call, but for now, I am tired of getting my feelings hurt and tired of feeling disrespected. We all have known this was coming for a while. I hate that it went down like this. I have enough people in my world that sress me out though, I don't need it from my friends too. The saddest part is that I am not as sad as I should be. What does that say for the friendship we had?
So other than this weirdo crap, things are going well I guess. School is going okay. We are finally to the part of my Biology class that I have been waiting for. We get to start translating genes and learning how to splice them. I know, I am such a dork! hey, it makes it easier to learn if you are somewhat interested in what they are teaching. My computer class is killing me though. not my grade, I still have a 92% in the class, just my prof. sucks! He doesn't teach. He just expects us to learn from the bood and use the class time as lab time basically. I don't know what he is getting paid for. But, I am learning it well and he can shove it!
Things with Jay are going well, too. Nothing really new and exciting, but going well. =)
3 comments:
i'm glad to hear things seem to be levelling off. i hope your brother gets some good time to think about the stuff he's been doing - and it's good he's doing it in an environment that can atleast facilitate that.
reading about you and your firecracker situation makes me a little sad - it reminds me of some of the mistakes i may have had done to Jade...and how maybe she just needed a friend rather than someone who just tells her what's wrong with her etc etc. but yeah, it's more complicated than that!
anyways, let us know how things go later on! and wow, 92%!!! that's amazing. i haven't seen a mark like that for myself in quite a long while :'(
Well, my brother called me last night and apologized for trying to lie to me. Maybe it is starting to get through a bit. Let's hope.
I don't want to lose this friendship with Firecracker, but I also don't want to be friends with the person she has become (not that she is letting me anyway). I hope that sometime soon she realizes that she loves me and still wants this friendship, but for now, I can't keep setting myself up to get hurt. (I know, I sound like a mush.)
Maybe when other things get more settled, i can try to have a heart-to-heart with her.
Well, I know there are more pressing things in your last posts, but well done for getting such brilliant marks! Especially when things are so tough on you at the moment.
As for your brother, be wary, no matter how many apologies you get. He's family, but at the same time, look out for number one (which of course includes your son).
Firecracker. It's sad but people change and all of a sudden there is this gap in your life where they used to be. And they've changed so much they can't come back and fill it.
I think you're right. Fix your family, then amaze us with your academic ability, then have the heart to heart.
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